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Säveltäjä ja lauluntekijä

Unlucky burglar

(©Ilkka Aaltonen -03)

This is a story 'bout old Joe Banks
who lived alone near Southfork Ranch.
His only pride was his whisky collection,
biggest in the world - the ìHighland Selectionî.

His age exactly nobody knew,
but his younger son was seventy-two.
Thus he was no youngster any more,
but he looked a bit like Roger Moore.

One night he was already asleep,
but his sleep - you know - was not so deep,
so he was woken up by a rattling noise
coming from downstairs - no other choice!

- A burglar? Gosh... can't be true!
I hate the bloody scum like you...
Youíll get a lesson... just wait and see!
Into your pants Iíll make you pee!

He took his faithful, trusted gun
and crept to see, what was going on.
He moved in the darkness like a ghost.
Of his fitness - to be honest - he liked to boast.

Then suddenly he switched on the main hall light
- but got extremely surprised of the sight:
SUE ELLEN EWING!!! holding his whisky bottle -
was blinkiní her eyes - and didnít look like a model.

- HANDS UP, MY LADY! Donít move at all!
I'll make a nice little police call...
But when he took out his Nokia phone,
the poor gal started to cry and moan:

- Oh, no, shir! Please, no copsh... You see...
My violent husband would shurely kill me!
I'm beggin' You, Shir... Iím ashamed, oh!
I'll do anything... anything, if you let me go!

- Anything? Well... anything...! Gee...
Okay, forget J.R. and follow me!
- Eh..? S-shure, cowboy... be my guest...
They went upstairs - and you may guess the rest!

---

But it took one hour, it took nearly two
until he gave up and said to Sue:
- Sorry, my lady... you can call me a jerk,
but when it doesn't work, it just doesn't work!
I'm afraid we have to go back to plan "A"
and call the fuckin' police - sad to say!